trading anxiety for peace and love: part II
Before I go into how I took charge of my anxiety, I want you to be conscious of two important things. First, the journey towards healing, self-acceptance, and happiness is not a perfectly straight line. Rather, it’s teaming with twists and turns, setbacks and triumphs both big and small. Embrace it all. “Look at an obstacle as a detour in the right direction. A detour is an opportunity to thrive, to start to love yourself more, and to get more connected to the truth” (Gabby Bernstein).
Second, while it’s easy to feel trapped in suffocating thoughts and feelings, remember that 1) you are NOT your thoughts or feelings. You are simply an observer to what goes on in your mind 2) everything that happens in your life, whether good or bad, is a learning experience. It is your mission to pull out a list of lessons learned from every experience life gives you. And why do we learn? To inspire continual transformation, to spread wisdom, and to protect our future.
My purpose in sharing this with you all is to let you know that you are not alone in how you are feeling and what you are experiencing. I hope that sharing the steps I took to grow and learn from my struggles will show you that you can overcome whatever it is that you are going through.
Anxiety is defined as the fear of the worst thing that can happen and/or feeling out of control in the situation. I’ve always possessed a fear of the unknown, fear of uncertainty, fear of the future. Lots and lots of fear. Fear = false evidence appearing real. Many of our fears are based on false beliefs or fictional narratives we’ve written for ourselves. It is when we are unwilling to witness fear that we accept it as our reality and project our fears to avoid dealing with the discomfort.
Life during the pandemic is rife with unknowns and uncertainty, which is why it is no surprise that anxiety has skyrocketed. Psychotherapist Irvin Yalom asserts that human struggles and anxiety stem from the following four existential issues:
1) Quest for purpose and meaning in life
2) Struggle with being alone in this world (even if we are in the presence of others, at the end of the day we are still alone)
3) Fear of endings and death
4) Freedom to do with our life that which we want.
With the pandemic, all of these issues have come into question. If you lost your job, maybe you questioned your purpose. Many developed anxiety since their freedom became constrained during quarantine and they were uncertain about what the future holds; I know I certainly did. I became anxious about my relationship with food; I was not happy with the monotony of my daily routine and feeling isolated; my relationship was not progressing the way in which I expected.
I sensed that something was not right and I felt like I was not the person I was before the pandemic. My inability to express how I was feeling and the discomfort with my thoughts, feelings, and fears manifested into anxiety, unproductive thought patterns, and storylines that would replay over and over in my head.
We cannot control the world and what goes on around us. Uncertainty, fear, doubt, and hardships are all a part life. We have the power to control how we choose to perceive and respond to these challenges. At the start of my anxiety, I thought so much about my thoughts and feelings, which further fueled my anxiety. I gradually realized that I don’t need to be thinking so much about my thoughts because they are just rationalizations of my mind trying to explain the presence of my feelings. With time, I allowed myself to be with my feelings without resisting or judging them. Surrendering and letting go was the first step. Then, I recognized there are two ways I can go about my fears and anxieties. I can let them control my life or I can use the strength already within me to take care of myself. I accepted that I don’t have control over what is happening now or what will happen in the future. I became open to being okay with not knowing and thinking of uncertainty as possibility. I became open to turning to a power greater than myself to guide me towards healing.
You can only change a pattern if you’re willing to change it (Gabby Bernstein). I committed myself to confronting my past, exploring my patterns, letting go of fear-based illusions and opening my mind, my heart, and my energy to be guided to a new perspective. I was ready to reflect on what I want for my life and who I wished to show up as. I want to live in alignment with my truth and choose love over fear every day. When I use the term love, I am not referring to romantic love. In this case, love is the presence of an inner power that attracts more power to it. Fear stands in the way of connecting to this loving power which is already within us (Gabby Bernstein). It is not something we need to search for. Rather, we need to discover the internal barriers against love in order to break them down and reconnect with love. I released my fear by practicing meditation, manifestation, affirmations, and other daily practices. I’ve continually been making small shifts that have radical effects. I wake up in the morning and do a yoga flow followed by a 10-15 minute guided meditation. I practice deep breathing throughout the day. I journal. I read eye-opening books like the Untethered Soul, Gabby Bernstein’s May Cause Miracles (40-Day Guidebook) and The Universe has Your Back, and Ekhart Tolle’s A New Earth. and listened to podcasts. I facetime friends far away and see friends close by because I realized how much I needed to connect with others. I go on beach walks with my sister. It’s these small things that make all the difference. And every time I’ve chosen love, gratitude and happiness over fear, I feel life begin to flow. And that’s really exciting.
I try to remind myself everyday that this is a process. I am thinking in terms of what I can learn and take away along the way and accept that there are the ups and down.
“I am positive and hopeful for the future. I may not know exactly how everything is going to unfold, but I trust that everything is happening for my highest good. I am exactly where I need to be right now and I am going in the right direction. I am guided and protected by my higher self” (third eye thoughts)
To learn more about my healing journey, head to my blog post about healing my relationship with food and cultivating happiness in my relationships. I also share 10 steps towards living a life of happiness, peace, abundance, and love.