my journey towards living a life of happiness, peace, and love: part I

There has been a lot of change in the past year. After living in New York for seven short months, I moved back home to Los Angeles to continue my studies in a virtual classroom. I transitioned from living independently in my 500-square foot Manhattan apartment to cohabitating with my parents and sister. A long-distance relationship suddenly and unexpectedly turned into a “normal” one with my boyfriend being only a twenty-minute drive away. And after one beautiful year in this relationship, we parted ways as it became clear that we needed to each embark on journeys towards self-discovery, happiness, and growth. Adjusting to the “new” normal the pandemic presented has been challenging. It has taken patience and self-compassion. I recognize how privilege diminished the extent to which the pandemic commanded my life and how fortunate I am to be able to navigate this uncertain time surrounded by supportive, loving people.

The pandemic continues to evoke many questions. Questions regarding one’s purpose, what the future holds, relationships... It’s easy to shy away from them. Confronting these questions is scary and complicated and the response is often unpredictable. For me, the pandemic unleashed inner disturbances (a different way to think about “problems/issues”) that have been part of me for a long time, but that I never truly dealt with until they affected my health and day-to-day life. During quarantine, I began to feel different. I had trouble articulating how I was feeling or what changed largely because it was such an unfamiliar feeling. I was consumed by anxiety, feelings of numbness, and unhappiness. I frequently experienced “butterflies” in my stomach, rapid heart rate, and uncontrollable racing thoughts. For a very long time, I was so caught up in the “why.” Why is this happening to me? Why am I feeling this way? Gradually, I shifted from asking why to what can I do about it? It is important for me to underline that this change in mindset did not happen overnight. It took time, introspection, support, and being open. 

Ultimately, the pandemic was the catalyst for me to release all that was blocking me from who I really am and finally confront my anxiety, eating behaviors, and relationships. I began to develop a deeper self-awareness, reflect, and understand my fears. One could say I was spiritually awakened. At this moment, spirituality for me means connecting with and trusting in a power greater than myself. It means expansion of my perceptions beyond the five senses, becoming more aware, and  adopting a new set of values like hope, trust, and perseverance to elevate my consciousness. It means reigniting my relationship to myself and to the love within me, which is my inner voice reminding me of how amazing and worthy I am. I am in the process of surrendering my plans to the universe and trusting in a plan far greater than mine. I am letting go and receiving.

I want to remind you that although we cannot control the world, we can control how we choose to respond, react, and perceive. We have the choice to choose happiness, self-acceptance, love, and peace over fear. We have the choice to see opportunities for growth in all difficult situations. Ultimately, all these challenges we encounter in life add valuable tools to our toolbox.

And so, I took a step back and asked myself two powerful questions: How do I want to live my life and who do I want to show up as? I encourage you to do the same.

While the circumstances are challenging, they reveal what needs to be healed. If you’re interested in reading more about my personal experiences, lessons learned, tips, and resources, head on over to my blog post about trading anxiety for peace and love, healing my relationship with food, and cultivating happiness for myself and in my relationships. I also share 10 steps towards living a life of peace, happiness, abundance, and love. I hope that reading my story offers a sense of comfort and hope. Remember that we have the power to find calmness in the chaos.  xx, syd